Sure wanna be: Dictator

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« Common people will adore you for no good reason — except maybe fear»

Are you a little insecure? Do you think the world is out to get you and you can't help but try and take control and make things right again? In a big way, naturally. In that case you'll probably soon join the ranks of the world's prime dictators and tyrants. After you've had proper training of course — without that you will likely fail. But don't let that warning put you off...

Dictatorship comes with loads of little perks. Of course there's the buzz of being in power, but you can have that if you're holding a tortoise by the shell or if you're balancing a broom on your hand. No no, this is bigger. Common people will adore you for no good reason — except maybe fear. Girls will throw themselves at you, unless you're a "dictatress" in which case boys may have a go at gaining your affection. Other permutations are possible. You'll eat caviar and drink champagne every single day until one day you'll long for a simple peanut butter sandwich again.

On the other hand, some people will moan and groan. There's no pleasing everyone; if there were, then democracy would have taken off by now. Just try to be firm, decisive but forgiving with them and you won't have any major problems with these lefties. Try not to offend them though. Working around them is better than trying to confront them. Unless you have a major army ready...


Now how can you practise your despot skills without drawing too much attention until you're ready? First of all: get a dog. Order it around and make it do all kinds of tricks. Even stuff it has never learned to do, but feels like doing just because YOU are telling it to. If you have kids, try the same approach on them. Kids are usually smarter than dogs, so you may need to put in a little extra effort. At some point, you'll be able to make people do anything you want them to. As soon as you reach that stage, hijack a radio station and just wing it. You'll be fine. Soon you will rule the world.
As requested (Sunday Spotlight) ...

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